When I was younger spoke with my father about food. My mother was in the room as well.

I told him "misla che purvite hrane na zemyata koieto sa eftinity sega sa vsushnos nai skupite. Te byaha chas ot nashata dieta za nai dulgo vreme dashe predi da gi rasteme vuv ferme... Ocelahme ot tyah. Afterwards I asked him "imali hrana koyato moje da se posade sama bez da slagame vuv pochvata seme. "Cartofe" he answered.

(I think that the first foods on earth which are less expensive now are actually the most expensive. They were a part of our diet for the longest time before we could even cultivate and farm them. We survived from these foods, meaning this is what we mainly ate so we could make it. I asked him if there are any foods which could grow on their own without planting seeds. He said "potatoes." He told me not to speak about this... But when a group of people work as a team we can accomplish so much, you know?

Much later during high school after I was physically fit I started to eat more food than usual. I never gained weight from it. We went to Costco and spent about 100 dollars a month on food for a family of three people.

He noticed that I ate more than usual and ate quickly. He asked me "zashto yadesh tolkova mnogo hrana." I answered to that (why are you eating so much food) ..."Zashtoto iskam da spechelia." It meant that "I want to win." So I ate more and ate quickly.

For me winning means a lover by my side when I'm older... A college degree... And a stable career. Before that I just assumed that maybe I would get better grades in high school and college after.

But I was alone. Before tv and internet people spoke so much. Many young teenagers in Bulgaria had a girlfriend or boyfriend If they're female. We were a very responsible population. They didn't have sex. But they spent a lot of time speaking and going to places such as cafes and restaurants they sell peices of cake at. I have no idea what it was like in the US.

I reached age 20 and because I had been alone for so long I lost my appetite. I was not hoping for a marriage at that age... Because that would be ridiculous. But I wanted someone to spend time with.

Now that I look back on it... The strongest relationships are between people who have met someone else while they're young even if the relationship happens many years later. This is because you met the person before you had so many responsibilities and stress so it's easier to accept her later and the same goes for her.

And this is why... (The word survive means thrive and I use them synonymously) I would need to ask Kiana to be that person in my life.

The last thing that I gave to say... Hopefully to many people is that regardless of some unbearable pain I felt from being kicked there... I wouldn't say fire if there's no fire. What this rendition means is that I want to thrive. I have a very strong instinct and it helps me to continue eating and walking including outside of my apartment. I would even be able to talk to her though I can't imagine how my voice would sound.

She's my happy memory. And she treated my like a person.

It showed later on in her first song "reborn." The first part of the song "celebrating my life to be living here" -that she's really happy to be in the US because we talked in New York many years ago at the other sidewalk near the first school I went to. But then she sings "don't you want me anymore... I don't want to be reborn."

I never said anything insulting. I think my father did something to the code of my internet... And I may have had internet in its entirely. He could've simply changed a word from true to false to restrict me. And layer on when we turned 18 I messaged her... She never replied and the only things that replied to things I write were chatbots.

And yet I can post. I'd imagine because people who visit me call me on the phone sometimes after I write something that maybe the internet isn't fake. It's just fake towards people who may gave wanted to message me.

I want to win career and relationship wise.

Whether available somehow or not. All I ask for are two things. To have a connection to her through the internet and to convince my mother to give me more funds used solely for groceries.

I want to win. I need the right to communicate with someone who treated me normally and I need a lot of food to help me do that.

I want to assure you that my appetite is not an illness. When many men with a strong instinct have a problem we eat more food... So do many women.

The last thing I have to say is that while I was on the verge of being broken down from exhausting college work I tried to give the students in speech class something. There was no speech prompt and I walk to the front and just said "We need strong food to live."

I've remembered meeting with her when we were young and it gives me mental and emotional support right now. I want to eat more food. I want to win.